


Claw Marks Down My Memories

by JustACuteWriteyLesbian



Series: Days to Come [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Night Terrors, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shared Trauma, They work through it I promise, Wow this one got dark, catra is not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26155558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustACuteWriteyLesbian/pseuds/JustACuteWriteyLesbian
Summary: Catra’s eyes grew wide as she realized what was happening. She startled backward off of Adora until her back bumped against the edge of the bed. Adora quickly sat up, reaching for her, calling a soft and concerned, “Catra…” Catra looked at her in abject horror, her eyes tracing every mark made by her own claws on Adora’s body; her face, her stomach, her arms, and around her neck. She stared at Adora’s tattered tank top, one strap hanging limply off of her shoulder, where Catra could see another set of four distinct red scratches. She inhaled sharply as she realized she could taste blood in her mouth. Adora’s blood.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Series: Days to Come [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877680
Comments: 13
Kudos: 212





	Claw Marks Down My Memories

**Author's Note:**

> TW for PTSD fueled domestic violence and mention of self-harm

Scorpia sat up straight in bed, the echoes of a scream reverberating around her. _My scream,_ she realized. _That came out of me._ She took a few trembling breaths trying to focus, trying to remind herself of what was real and what was not. It was a dream, she told herself over and over. But it had been so real, so vivid. She rested her head in her pincers and tried to slow her ragged breathing. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the door slide open.

“Scorpia?” came a gentle voice from the doorway.

Perfuma quickly tiptoed in, her eyes wide with concern. She approached cautiously, scrutinizing Scorpia’s startled expression, and sat delicately on the edge of the bed. 

“Scorpia? Are you alright?”

Scorpia gave her a smile that looked more like a grimace. Perfuma noted how her whole body trembled. She reached up to put a reassuring hand on Scorpia’s spiky shoulder.

“Scorpia it’s okay. You’re safe, you’re in the Fright Zone.”

Scorpia looked at her surroundings. She was in the Force Captains’ barracks. It was the best place to sleep in the now overgrown Fright Zone. The beds were intact and so were most of the walls and ceilings. Scorpia’s eyes wandered to the digital pictures of her and her friends pinned to the wall by her bed (courtesy of Entrapta). On her dresser sat a portrait of her and her family when she was an infant. Lying next to that was the vest Catra had given her in the Crimson Waste, along with a few knick knacks from Entrapta and the other princesses. And sitting on her bed was Perfuma, staring at her with desperate concern. Scorpia focused on the warm hand resting on her shoulder.

“O-okay, I am okay.” Scorpia said unconvincingly, her voice cracking under the words.

Perfuma frowned. “Was it a dream?” she asked with all the gentleness of a mother comforting her child.

Scorpia looked at her guiltily and nodded.

Perfuma gingerly moved her hand to rest it on one of Scorpia’s large pincers. “I have bad dreams too.” She said softly. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

Scorpia looked down at Perfuma’s long fingers wrapped around her pincer and took a few deep breaths.

“Um… it was about… When Prime had me… chipped. Here in the Fright Zone. I think… it felt… I think maybe it was a memory. It all gets so fuzzy. But you were there and Adora and Catra and I… I hurt you guys. Like I… _remember_. I really tried to hurt you guys. And then Prime told me to… he… I know you said I missed when I tried to zap you and I know you think I missed on purpose but this time I… this time I didn’t miss.”

Scorpia hid her face in her pincers as tears began to spill from her eyes. She could not bear to look at Perfuma, the image of her gentle form being consumed with red lightning still burned into her mind. Perfuma sat patiently, letting Scorpia cry for a moment, before taking both of Scorpia’s hands in hers and lowering them from her face so that she could look her in the eye.

“Scorpia, it’s okay. Prime’s gone, he can’t control you anymore. He has no power over you.” She looked down at Scorpia’s hands in hers and rubbed her thumb gently over the red carapace. “I know you would never hurt me or any of our friends.”

Scorpia could not control the surge of emotion that gripped her. She threw her arms around Perfuma and began to weep into her soft blond hair. Perfuma held her close, lightly rubbing her back and whispering meager comforts. “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe.”

Scorpia had forgotten what it was like to cry in someone’s arms. She had not done so since she was a child. Perfuma was so warm and soft and her hair smelled like wildflowers. Scorpia shivered at the dream – the memory – of unleashing her power on her and the rest of her friends. She remembered what it was like, being under his control. She remembered how she had _wanted_ to hurt them, how she had reveled in it, how she would have gladly done anything he asked. _But I didn’t,_ she reminded herself. _She’s okay. I didn’t hurt her. She’s here._ Scorpia desperately clung to the slender girl in her arms, grounding herself in the smell of wildflowers. 

“Sorry,” she sniffled. She pulled away slightly, looking bashful about her outburst. “I’m sorry I woke you up, you… you didn’t have to come check on me. I’m okay, really. I just… sorry.”

Perfuma touched her cheek lightly, catching a stray tear with her thumb, and Scorpia felt her face heat under her hand. “Scorpia, I came to check on you because I care about you. And I’m glad I did. No one should have to go through this alone.” Perfuma said sweetly.

Scorpia felt fresh tears spring up in her eyes for a completely different reason. She was still getting used to this whole having-real-friends thing. It baffled her sometimes, the genuine concern and kindness they showed her, particularly Perfuma. The two of them had been working closely together for the past month or so, rebuilding the Fright Zone. Well, former Fright Zone. Queen Glimmer had decreed that since Scorpia was now an official princess, she should have a kingdom of her own. So Scorpia had returned to the Fright Zone to reclaim her ancestral home. Perfuma had spent a few weeks ensuring things were stable in her own kingdom before visiting Scorpia, and when it became clear that her powers would be invaluable in taming the wild magical plants, she had volunteered to stay and help.

Scorpia looked into her kind eyes and a weak smile tugged at her lips. “Thank you.” she whispered. _For everything._

Perfuma smiled back and gave her pincer a gentle squeeze. They sat there for a quiet moment while Scorpia tried to relax her body and willed her still pounding heart to slow. She felt Perfuma move her hand to cover her mouth as she let out a yawn. 

“Oh gosh, you’re probably exhausted. I’m sorry, you… I should let you get back to bed. I’m okay. I'll...I'll be okay.” Scorpia said quickly.

“Nonsense.” Perfuma replied. “Scorpia, really, it’s alright. I’m here for you. And I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

Scorpia blushed and turned away from Perfuma’s sympathetic gaze. Perfuma simply smiled and moved so that she was sitting right next to Scorpia’s pillow. She patted it gently, a silent command. Scorpia stared at her blankly before laying her head back down. 

Perfuma reached out a hesitant hand, pausing for a second as if asking permission. When Scorpia did not move, she began to lightly stroke her short white hair. Scorpia instantly felt herself tense and then relax into the touch. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. This was all so new to her. And yet it felt so… right. Familiar, even. It was the sort of thing that Scorpia had been searching for her entire life and yet it had always seemed so… impossible. Until now.

_I want you to stay always,_ she thought.

Scorpia exhaled slowly and rolled onto her side, wrapping an arm around Perfuma’s legs and breathing in the smell of wildflowers. Perfuma gazed down at her fondly and began to hum a soft lullaby as she continued to run her slender fingers through Scorpia’s hair.

Adora was stirred from a restful sleep by fitful squirming and soft whimpering from somewhere next to her. She opened her eyes in the darkness and as they adjusted, she saw Catra’s face in front of her, contorted in a grimace, her claws digging into her pillow. Adora blinked the sleep from her eyes and it took a minute for understanding to creep into her tired thoughts. Catra was having a nightmare. She sat up and put a hand on Catra’s shoulder, shaking her gently.

“Catra,” she said in a tone as soft as she could manage. Catra thrashed and whimpered, and Adora grasped her shoulder more tightly. “Catra, hey, wake up.” Catra’s eyes suddenly flew open and Adora felt her body grow rigid under her.

Everything happened so fast after that.

Adora watched as Catra’s pupils shrank into sharp slits and her mouth twisted into a feral snarl. Without any other warning, Catra’s hand shot up and her claws raked viciously across Adora’s cheek. Adora recoiled, flailing backward to get out of Catra’s reach, but Catra was so blindingly quick to close the gap. Adora’s hands rose to protect her face and Catra took the chance to land another raking strike across Adora’s abdomen, her claws ripping through the fabric of Adora’s tank top like paper, tearing into her skin. 

Adora’s eyes went wide with shock before squeezing shut from the pain and she choked down a scream. Catra raised her hand for another swipe and Adora’s combat instincts kicked in. She caught Catra by surprise by rushing forward instead of dodging away. With a defiant yell from both of them, Adora tackled Catra off the bed and onto the floor near the waterfall that continued to serenely cascade into the small pool below, filling the room with the calming sound of trickling water as if unaware of the chaos ensuing so close.

Adora tried to subdue Catra with the weight of her body, her arms flailing in an attempt to capture Catra’s claws before they could do any more damage. Catra fought and writhed, and her claws caught Adora’s shoulder leaving behind more angry red marks. Adora winced and Catra seized the opportunity. She let out a vicious howl before wrapping her arms around Adora and raking both sets of claws down her back. Adora could not suppress the pained scream which escaped her throat and she could feel an all too familiar hot rage begin to bloom inside her. It made her uncomfortable. It was something she had never wanted to feel again, especially not toward Catra. But her body and mind reacted to the pain and adrenaline began to fuel the storm brewing in her.

She grabbed Catra by the collar of her loose sleep shirt and yanked her upward before slamming her back down onto the floor. Catra squeezed her eyes shut, wincing from the blow, and quickly opened them again gazing intently at Adora with a feral, frenzied rage. But there was something behind her eyes, something that perhaps only Adora could have seen, something that instantly calmed Adora’s building fury.

_Fear_.

Adora had enough awareness in that brief moment to understand that Catra was fighting for her life against an opponent that wasn’t real, something that had crossed the boundaries from her nightmares into reality.

Catra went for Adora’s hands, which were still clasping her shirt, but Adora, now fully alert, managed to capture her by the wrists, yelling,

“Catra, _stop!_ ”

Catra responded with her own primal scream and viciously bit into Adora’s hand, drawing blood. Adora let out a pained cry but did not let go. Suddenly she felt one nimble leg wrap around her neck from behind. Before she could react, Catra had pulled her down and was on top of her, their positions reversed.

Catra lifted her hand, claws extended menacingly, ready to strike again, and Adora shielded her face screaming, “Catra, wait! Listen to –“

Catra’s claws slashed at her arms, leaving long gashes.

“Catra!”

Adora quickly rolled her head to the side to avoid another blow.

_“Catra!”_

Catra’s claws left deep marks in the floor where Adora’s head had been just a second before.

“CATRA!”

Adora suddenly felt Catra’s other hand around her neck, squeezing hard, claws digging into her skin.

“Catra...” she choked.

Catra tightened her grip, holding her head in place. Adora reached up and pulled at her, gasping for breath. Catra’s lips curled into a half-smile half-snarl as she raised her claws purposefully, readying one final blow. Adora loosed the grip on her neck just enough to let out a frightened,

“CATRA, _NO!_ ”

Suddenly, they heard a very familiar sound of magic and Glimmer’s voice shouting, “Adora!” Both of them turned to look at her in surprise. “What’s wrong, what –“ Glimmer’s question caught in her throat as she beheld the scene before her. Her eyes grew wide with shock and understanding as she spied the fresh slashes all over Adora’s body and the crimson nearly dripping from Catra’s raised claws. Rage overtook her shock and her hands began to glow with threatening, crackling magic.

_“Get off of her!”_ she screamed.

Catra let out a fierce snarl and Adora cried out a frantic, “Glimmer, don’t!”

Melog appeared suddenly between Catra and Glimmer, roaring savagely at the young queen, startling her back. The room fell silent aside from Melog’s soft growling, Catra’s ragged breathing, and the gentle trickle of the waterfall. In the sudden stillness, Adora could feel Catra’s whole body begin to tremble on top of her. Catra stared at Melog, then at Glimmer before looking past Glimmer to the room around her. Adora watched as her gaze darted from the door, to the bookshelf on the wall, to Adora’s desk, to the crystals hanging from the ceiling, to the waterfall before them. As her eyes wandered, her expression slowly morphed from fury to quiet confusion. Her outstretched claws receded, and her hand fell down to her side. Finally, her eyes traveled down to meet Adora’s. Adora stared back at her with frantic concern and unmistakable… _fear_.

Catra’s eyes grew wide as she realized what was happening. She startled backward off of Adora until her back bumped against the edge of the bed. Adora quickly sat up, reaching for her, calling a soft and concerned, “Catra…” Catra looked at her in abject horror, her eyes tracing every mark made by her own claws on Adora’s body; her face, her stomach, her arms, and around her neck. She stared at Adora’s tattered tank top, one strap hanging limply off of her shoulder, where Catra could see another set of four distinct red scratches. She inhaled sharply as she realized she could taste blood in her mouth. Adora’s blood.

“Catra, it’s okay. You’re safe. It’s okay.” Adora said as soothingly as she could. She held her hands up as if to assure Catra she meant no harm and scooted slightly closer. Catra shied away, her back pressing deeper into the side of the bed. “Catra, please.” She tried again. “I won’t hurt you.”

Tears began to form in Catra’s eyes, and she let out a small whine before screaming, “I’m not worried about _you_ hurting _me!_ ”

“What’s going on? What happened?” Glimmer asked, a desperate concern tinging her voice.

Neither of them answered. Neither of them looked away from each other. Adora could see Catra’s whole body trembling. Her ears lay flat against her head, her eyes were wide and full of tears, and Adora could hear the panic rising in her from her breathing, which began to quicken into uneven gasps. Then a sob erupted from her and her hands clasped her own arms, claws digging into skin.

“Catra, stop!” Adora screamed, rushing forward. She snatched Catra’s hands away from their destructive work. Tears streamed down Catra’s face. She met Adora’s determined gaze before squeezing her eyes shut. She could not bear to look at her. Not after what she had just done.

“Adora, I – “ she tried, as a loud sob escaped her throat. She pulled her hands away from Adora’s grasp and buried her face into them. 

“Catra it’s okay!” Adora tried to soothe. She reached out to touch Catra’s shoulder but Catra angrily batted her away.

“It’s _okay?!_ ” she screamed, fixing Adora with an outraged glare. “Adora, _look at you!_ ”

Adora did. She looked down at the fresh gashes on her arms and stomach. Catra slowly reached up to gingerly graze the scratches on her face and Adora winced at the contact. Catra sobbed harder. Adora sat helplessly in front of her and watched her weep, tears forming at the edges of her own eyes. Suddenly, she saw Catra’s muscles tense and before she could stop her, Catra stood, lightning fast, and scrambled over the bed toward the door.

Adora stood almost as quickly and screamed after her, “Catra don’t you _dare_ run away from me!”

But she had already burst through the door. Before she disappeared down the hallway, she paused for one fleeting second to glance back at Adora, eyes full of remorse. Then she was gone.

Adora ran after her faster than she knew she could move. She heard Glimmer call her name worriedly as she pushed past her, but she could not stop. Catra was only a few meters ahead of her. She was not going to let her get away. She was not going to let her go. Not this time. Adora gave chase, calling her name,

“Catra! _Catra!_ ”

Catra could hardly hear her. She could hardly see the hallway in front of her past all the images of herself flashing before her eyes of all the terrible things she had done and the people she had hurt. And the way Adora had _looked_ at her as she loomed over her, claws ready to strike… she was sure she would never be able to purge the image from her mind. She had never wanted to see that look on Adora’s face again. Catra suddenly remembered who she was just a few short months ago. How foolish of them to think she had changed so drastically in such a short time. How foolish of her to have believed it. She felt like she was back there, in the dark place, grasping, clawing, fighting for her life against absolutely everything the world could throw at her. It had broken her. She was broken. How foolish she was to think she could ever be fixed.

“Catra stop!” Adora shouted after her.

Catra suddenly froze, not at Adora’s words but something else. Something much more frightening. She heard cackling laughter from the darkness. Her own laughter. The sickening sound of a girl who thought she had wanted nothing more than to watch the world burn. In the corner of her eye, she was sure she saw a dark figure leering at her from the shadows, with mismatched eyes and a long mane of hair.

She suddenly felt someone slam into her from behind, tackling her to the ground.

“No, no!” Catra cried, struggling under the weight of the body on top of her.

Adora held her fast. “Catra, stop! It’s me!” she shouted. They wrestled for a moment, Catra desperately trying to escape and Adora frantically trying to hold her down.

“Catra, _look at me!_ ” Adora commanded, grabbing Catra’s wrists and forcing her body upward so that their noses were mere inches apart. Catra obeyed. She stared into Adora’s eyes, tears blurring her vision.

“She was _right!_ ” Catra choked. “All I do is hurt you! I’m never going to stop hurting you!”

Adora’s eyes went wide with horrible recognition. She knew what Catra was talking about. Shadow Weaver had warned Adora when they were children, when Catra was small and could not control her claws. She had warned her every time Catra had lashed out at her. _She is going to hurt you again and again,_ she had said. _She is never going to stop hurting you._ And every time she said it, Adora had defended Catra. _She didn’t mean to. She was upset. She was scared._ Adora heard Shadow Weavers' voice in her mind and her skin crawled. _Haven’t you hurt each other enough?_ She suddenly felt a hot rush of anger. Here she was, still defending Catra from Shadow Weaver’s poison, even when Shadow Weaver… 

“Everything Shadow Weaver ever said was to hurt us! To tear us apart! Don’t you dare do that. _Don’t you dare let her win_!” Adora yelled, gripping Catra’s wrists so tightly it hurt. Catra stared at her, dazed, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks.

For just a moment, Adora thought that she had gotten through, until she saw Catra’s gaze lock onto something behind her. Adora watched as her blue and gold eyes slowly started to trail upward. She turned around and realized that they were right under the mural of Queen Angella. It had been a memorial installed in the hallway shortly after the portal, right next to King Micah’s. Adora inhaled sharply and turned back to Catra, who simply stared up at Angella’s regal face.

Adora could almost _see_ something in her snap.

“Catra – “ she began.

She was interrupted by a ferocious roar right next to her face as Melog appeared, its mane bristling into a dark red. Adora scrambled back and Melog circled around Catra protectively.

Catra just gazed at her sadly and whispered, “I can’t…”

Adora could only stare as she watched Catra purposefully rise to her feet. Everything seemed to slow down. Adora knew that look of grim determination in Catra’s eyes. She saw what was about to happen.

“Catra, wait!” she cried.

Melog snarled at her as she reached out a trembling hand.

“Don’t look for me,” was the only thing Catra said as she and Melog disappeared.

“No! No, Catra!” Adora called, launching herself at the space where Catra had just been standing.

She flailed her arms about and frantically scanned the hallway. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. Adora glanced down at her own empty hands before her legs gave out on her and she collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor.

“You promised you’d stay!” she cried to the air. “You promised…”

“Wow, this place looks great!” Scorpia exclaimed excitedly, looking over the newly renovated throne room.

Perfuma squealed with excitement. “Oh, you like it? I knew you would!”

“Yeah! I do! It’s very… flowery.” Scorpia said glancing at the large red flowers that littered the walls and climbed up the great stone pillars.

Perfuma laughed nervously. “I might have… gone a little overboard with that.”

“Well, at least it smells nice!” Scorpia said with enthusiasm.

Perfuma smiled sweetly back at her, and with a wave of her hand, the flowers receded to reveal the dark marble underneath. Scorpia gasped. Without the flowers covering everything the room looked… regal. The crumbling walls and collapsing ceiling had been entirely rebuilt. The ancient murals of her family looked like they were brand-new. She walked down the hall over the new embroidered rug to her throne. She stared in awe at the image of her grandfather looming over her, and above his head, was the Black Garnet, humming almost happily as Scorpia drew closer. Scorpia stared at it in awe.

Perfuma’s soft hand gently grasped one of her large pincers, bringing her out of her trance. She looked down at the flower princess, who was smiling at her expectantly. Scorpia tried and failed to produce words. She didn’t know what to say. This was all so much. What could she possibly say that would properly express her gratitude? Perhaps words weren’t necessary, she thought; she had always been better with action anyway.

In an uncharacteristically swift motion, she wrapped her pincers under Perfuma’s arms, lifting her up into the air and spinning her around, both of them laughing. After a few twirls, Scorpia set her down and pulled her into a tight hug.

“It’s perfect.” She whispered. “Thank you.”

Perfuma was glad Scorpia could not see how deeply she was blushing. She just hugged Scorpia tighter.

“I knew you’d like it.” She said.

They sat in the throne room for a while chatting excitedly about their progress before wandering outside into the cool night air. They walked and talked and laughed and Scorpia found herself falling into that familiar warmth she experienced when she was with Perfuma. Soon the conversation turned to her new kingdom and her new subjects, most of whom were Horde refugees. Anxiety began to worm its way into her chest as it did every time she thought about it.

Perfuma noticed her silence and her frown. “Is something bothering you?” she asked.

Scorpia blinked and looked down guiltily.

“N-no. I mean, I just… it’s nothing.”

Perfuma looped her arm through Scorpia’s and squeezed her pincer gently. “Scorpia, whatever it is, you can talk to me about it.” The sweetness and sincerity in her tone crumbled all of Scorpia’s inhibitions.

“It’s just… I’m not sure I’m… ready to be a princess. I just… I spent my whole life fighting princesses and I… I don’t…” she looked sadly at the ground and sighed. “What if I’m no good at it?”

Perfuma stepped in front of her, taking both of her pincers in her hands, and looked intently into her eyes. “Scorpia, you are the kindest, gentlest, bravest, most loyal person I’ve ever known. Your heart is so strong, and your people are going to adore you. I know you can do this. You’re going to be the most incredible princess Etheria has ever seen.”

Scorpia stared at her in surprise and she felt tears well up in her eyes. She didn’t know what to say. She had never had anyone who believed in her like this before. Another wave of gratitude bloomed in her chest. How could she ever find the words to express how thankful she was for everything this incredible woman had done for her? Thank you was beginning to feel insufficient. Scorpia just smiled warmly down at her and gave her hands a gentle squeeze, hoping that the look in her eyes told Perfuma what she could not say.

Realizing they were staring at each other, Scorpia blushed and glanced away shyly. She did not let go of Perfuma’s hands. Scorpia looked up at the stars overhead, now visible without the mechanical smoke and steam rising perpetually into the air.

“Gosh, it’s so nice to be able to see the sky here. And those stars!” she said nervously in an attempt to reestablish conversation.

“Oh yes! Aren’t they just lovely?” Perfuma responded, tilting her head upward.

Scorpia took a deep breath, and silently willed her heart to stop racing. From the corner of her eye, she saw something move in the beams towering over them, and she glanced at the overlook where she used to sometimes find Catra brooding. Then her eyes widened in surprise to see a familiar figure there, leaning over the railing, glaring at her.

“Catra?” she said to no one in particular.

She thought she might have been imagining things, until she heard Perfuma quietly gasp beside her as she followed her gaze. Catra looked at them with something like fear and Scorpia watched as she bolted away, up further onto the railings, climbing up to the tallest platform.

“Catra, hey! Wait up!” Scorpia called, clambering after her as fast as she could. Perfuma wordlessly followed.

It took less time than expected for them to reach the highest point, mostly due to Perfuma summoning magical vines to ferry them to the top. Scorpia half expected Catra to be gone by the time they reached her. She could have easily slipped away, Scorpia thought. Catra knew this part of the Fright Zone better than anyone, not to mention she could turn invisible with the help of Melog. She could have found a way to elude them. But when they reached the top, they found Catra collapsed on her knees on the platform, panting, with Melog fretting over her.

“Catra!” Scorpia called, much louder than she intended.

Catra’s ears pricked up and she looked back at her, her tired eyes struggling to focus.

“Catra, hey… are you okay?” Scorpia asked gently, rushing to her side.

Catra laughed, a dark, strained sound.

“When have I _ever_ actually been okay?” she shot back.

Scorpia crouched down beside her. She could see the dark circles under her eyes, the dirt in her hair and fur, and her ribs sticking out slightly as though she hadn’t been eating. There were thin scratches all over her arms and especially around the back of her neck, hardly visible through her short fur. Scorpia realized with a pang of sorrow that they were probably self-inflicted.

“Catra… you look – “ Scorpia reached out a pincer to touch her and Catra weakly batted it away.

She glanced pleadingly at Perfuma, who was standing a few paces back. Perfuma frowned and cautiously stepped closer.

“Catra…” she started softly.

Catra responded with a fierce hiss, turning to glare at her, and Perfuma took several startled steps backward. She shrugged at Scorpia helplessly. Scorpia looked back to Catra, who was still breathing heavily from her climb, looking like she was about to fall over. She did not know what to do. Perfuma was good with this sort of thing, but Scorpia… Catra had never exactly responded well to Scorpia’s attempts at friendship. But looking at her now, Scorpia felt a wave of sympathy and concern wash over her. It seemed to her that a friend was exactly what Catra needed right now. 

_I can do this,_ she reminded herself. 

Scorpia took a deep breath and slowly sat where she was beside Catra. Her eyes wandered up toward the stars and she felt the sort of calm one only feels when looking directly at the greater universe, realizing how small they are.

“Man, would you look at those stars.” She said, grinning up at the sky.

Catra growled at her before following her gaze upward. She said nothing as the two of them sat and stared up at the ocean of lights above them. Perfuma sat a few paces away and joined their silent vigil.

They all stayed like that for a long time. Perfuma watched Scorpia and Catra with interest, letting Scorpia take the lead on this one. Perfuma was well versed in the language of _talking out your feelings_ , but Catra was… well, Catra was Catra. Scorpia was her friend. Scorpia knew her better. And watching how Scorpia had seemingly calmed Catra with a few simple words… Perfuma could not help but smile. 

Catra eventually closed her eyes and her breathing slowed into a more relaxed rhythm. Melog rested its head on her leg and began to purr. Scorpia smiled at the sight.

“You know Adora’s been looking for you.” she began. Glimmer had called them almost a week ago to tell them that Catra had gone missing and asked them to keep an eye out for her. The queen hadn’t gone into detail, she had just said that Catra had gotten upset and run off.

“I know.” Catra murmured.

“Did… did something happen?” Scorpia asked tentatively. 

Catra inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Something happened.”

Scorpia looked back at Perfuma, who gestured for her to continue. She swallowed hard, suddenly unsure of herself, but pressed on. “Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

Catra dug her claws into the hard metal of the platform. For a moment, it seemed as though she was going to lash out. Her tail whipped back and forth angrily, and she scowled fiercely at the ground. Then she sighed and Scorpia could see her body relax slightly. Catra was too exhausted for rage. She had been raging for days, at herself. She was just empty now.

“She didn’t tell you?” Catra asked, absently scratching Melog behind the ears.

Scorpia glanced over at Perfuma again, who shrugged and shook her head.

“Tell us what?”

Catra’s hand froze on Melog’s head and Scorpia could see her body tense up all over again.

“I… hurt her. Badly. I didn’t mean to, I was just… I lost it. I…”

Melog whined and began to lick her hand reassuringly.

“Hurt who?” Scorpia coaxed.

“Adora.” Catra almost whispered.

Catra looked up at her and furrowed her brow when she saw that Scorpia actually looked surprised by the news.

“Did you guys get into a fight?” Scorpia pressed.

Catra shook her head. “No, nothing like that. It was… I was…” Catra growled and reached up to cover the back of her neck.

“Catra… you know whatever it is, you can talk to me about it.” Scorpia said with gentle sincerity.

Catra laughed a humorless laugh but her hand relaxed on her neck.

“I was… dreaming. About… fighting. And Adora woke me up. And when she did it was like… it was like… like I was chipped again. I could see what was going on, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop fighting and I… I hurt her. I don’t… I never want to feel that way again. I can’t…” Catra was almost surprised to find fresh tears spilling over her eyes. She thought she had cried herself out about this. Apparently not.

Scorpia felt a tug in her chest at Catra’s words. She understood how scary it was to lose control. She knew what it was like to be chipped, to watch her own hands engulf the ones she loved in red lightning. She thought back to the nightmares she had been having since Prime’s defeat and shivered.

“Yeah. I get that.” She said.

Catra looked at her with suspicion, but her body relaxed a bit more and her hand came down from her neck to rest in Melog’s mane.

“Is that why you ran away?” Scorpia asked.

Catra nodded solemnly.

“You know she’s not going to stop looking for you.” 

Catra folded her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees, wrapping her tail around herself.

“I don’t get it. Why does she keep coming back for me? After everything I’ve done?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

“She loves you, Catra. Anyone with eyes can see that. Aren’t you tired of running away from that?”

Scorpia surprised herself with her own question. She thought maybe it was too much, that she had pushed too far. But Catra did not lash out. She blinked at Scorpia before her expression softened into something more melancholy. Her gaze drifted back down to Melog and her hands gently stroked the fur on their head. 

“But what do I… what do I do? What can I say? I’ve been trying so hard to be better but sometimes I feel like I’m still that person. Sometimes I _am_ still that person. How do I… how do I move on? How can I expect them to forgive me?”

Scorpia smiled at her softly. “Catra, they’ve already forgiven you. It kind of sounds like the only one who hasn’t forgiven you is… you.”

Catra inhaled sharply and squeezed her eyes shut as if Scorpia’s words had actually wounded her. After a moment, she opened them and looked back up at the sea of stars above them. Scorpia watched as a single tear ran down her cheek.

“What am I going to say to her?” Catra asked quietly.

“What do you want to say?” 

Catra grew quiet as she thought about it long and hard. It didn’t feel like _I’m sorry_ was going to cut it this time. But what else was there to say? What did she want? It took her a long while to come to an answer. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to feel better, to be better. She wanted to feel the way she felt when Adora held her and kissed her and told her she loved her. She wanted to feel like that all the time. She didn’t want to let that go. And she wanted the dark voice in her head - her own voice - that told her she didn’t deserve it to be silenced. She wanted to deserve it. 

She turned and looked intently at Scorpia.

“I guess I’d say… I’m sorry. For everything. For the way I treated you. For how I hurt you. I don’t want to be that person anymore. And I’m… I’m trying really hard to be better. I want to be better. But I… I need… help. I can’t… I don’t think I can do this on my own.” Catra said, tears falling freely down her cheeks.

Scorpia offered a small smile, beginning to tear up herself. She leaned forward and caught Catra in a surprisingly gentle hug. Catra’s hands slowly wrapped around her and she began to cry softly in Scorpia’s strong arms.

Perfuma watched in silence, wiping away her own tears. She caught Scorpia’s gaze and Scorpia felt as though she would just melt from the love and pride in her eyes.

Catra awoke to sickly green lights and cold metal walls. She sat up straight, recognition flashing in her wide eyes. She was in the Fright Zone, in her old Force Captain room. She must be dreaming, this _had_ to be a dream. Melog mewed at her from where they lay by Catra’s legs and rubbed its face against her knee. She blinked before reaching out and petting them behind the ears. This wasn’t a dream. The memory of last night came flooding back to her. She must have fallen asleep at some point. Scorpia must have carried her here. She was about to leap from the bed to leave this wretched place behind, but as her feet touched the floor, she noticed a figure sitting in the corner. A figure dressed in silver and lavender and sparkles.

Glimmer glared at her from where she sat in the corner by Catra’s bed and Catra’s ears went flat as her body tensed and froze. Scorpia must have called her, she realized. After a tense moment, Glimmer rose from her seat, walked over to the bed, and stood right in front of her.

“We,” Glimmer started. “are going to have a talk.”

Catra did not dare object. Not to that face. She did not think she had ever seen Glimmer look this angry. Not at the Battle of Brightmoon, not when they were fighting each other, not even when they were battling Prime. She let out the breath she was holding and let out a weak, 

“Okay.”

Glimmer sat on the bed next to Catra and took a moment to consider what she was going to say. She eyed the small scratches up Catra’s arm and Catra looked away, covering the marks self-consciously.

“Are you coming back to Brightmoon?” Glimmer finally asked.

Catra blinked at her in shock.

“You’re asking me?”

Glimmer sighed. “You’re not a prisoner, Catra.”

Catra gaped at her before her eyes narrowed and her claws dug into the sheets underneath her.

“Maybe I should be! You saw what I did to Adora!” she shouted angrily.

“Catra, if I thought for a second that you meant to do that, we wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation.” Glimmer replied calmly, meeting Catra’s glare unwavering. “She’s fine, by the way. Physically, at least.”

Catra blinked in confusion and Glimmer rolled her eyes. “She has magical healing powers, Catra. Kind of a prerequisite when your girlfriend has razor blades on her hands.”

Catra looked down at her own claws sadly. “She’d be better off without me.”

“Good luck telling her that. You know she’s been an absolute wreck since you’ve been gone.” Glimmer said. “She loves you. And she misses you. We all do.”

Catra shook her head, anger flaring up in her chest. She scowled and clenched her fists.

“You’re all insane! All I’ve ever done is hurt you! All of you! And you want to just… forget all of that? Because, what? Because Adora’s a masochist? Because _she_ wants you to?”

“Catra-“ Glimmer started.

“No! Don’t sit there and tell me that you can just forgive me for everything I’ve done.” Catra screamed, standing angrily. She heard Melog start to growl from where they sat on the bed. “I burned down your kingdoms! I almost destroyed Brightmoon! I almost destroyed _everything_! Your mother is _gone_ because of me! How can you just forgive me for that?!”

Glimmer quickly stood, getting up in Catra’s face, their noses just inches apart.

“ _I haven’t!_ ” she shouted.

Catra’s eyes went wide and she took a step back. Glimmer wiped tears from her eyes and took a long breath before continuing.

“My mother was the strongest person I’ve ever known, and she deserved better. And sometimes I get so angry. Sometimes I hate you for what you did. Sometimes I can’t even stand to be around you. But Catra, when I look at you now, I don’t see that person anymore. I don’t see the girl who wanted to destroy everything I loved. I see the girl who risked everything to save me from Prime. I see the person who helped us save Etheria. I see my _friend_. And I hate the woman who took my mother away from me and I don’t think I can ever forgive her for that, but Catra, that person isn’t you. Not anymore.”

Catra just stared at her in disbelief before turning to glare at the ground.

“Look,” Glimmer continued. “I know what it’s like to mess up so badly that you think no one could ever forgive you. That maybe you don’t _deserve_ to be forgiven. I was the one who activated the Heart, remember? Bow and Adora begged me not to, but I did what I thought I had to do. I brought Prime here, I got us abducted, and I almost destroyed the entire _universe_! Twice!”

Catra glanced up at her, her ears flat against her head.

“How do you… How do you move on after something like that?” she asked softly.

Glimmer stepped forward and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“I lean on the people who love me. And I do better.” she said firmly. “Come home. Please. I know you still have a lot to work through, but Catra, you can’t do this alone. Let us help.” Glimmer pleaded.

Catra looked at her sadly, remembering what she had said to Scorpia the night before. They were right. She couldn’t do this on her own. She needed… she needed to do better.

She sighed and slowly nodded.

Glimmer smiled softly. “We’re going to have to do something about those.” She said, looking pointedly at Catra’s claws. Catra groaned. “And I think you should start talking to Perfuma. She’s really good with this stuff. You’re not the first person she’s helped.” Catra swallowed and nodded.

Melog jumped from the bed and rubbed against Glimmer’s legs. She chuckled and put a hand on their head, holding her other hand out to Catra.

“Come on.” She said. “Let’s go home.”

The sun was setting when they teleported back to the Brightmoon courtyard. Catra squinted and held up a hand to the harsh light. She realized she must have slept through the night and then most of the day. As she looked around, her eyes found Adora, sitting on the steps in front of them, as if she had been waiting. There were dark circles under her eyes, like she had not slept in days and her clothes were uncharacteristically disheveled.

As they appeared before her, her head shot up and her gaze immediately met Catra’s. They just stood there for a long moment, staring at each other. Catra lifted her hand and reached hesitantly out toward her. Tears formed in Adora’s eyes and she began walking purposefully toward them. Her pace quickened as she approached and Catra’s heart sped up at the expression on her face. It was not relief, but hurt and fury.

Adora grabbed her by the collar roughly with both hands and opened her mouth to yell something at her, but all that came out was a pained sob. Catra did not resist. She knew she deserved whatever Adora gave her. Catra almost wished she would just yell and scream and be angry with her, because this sadness, the hurt in her eyes… this was worse. Catra felt the tears spring to her own eyes. Seeing Adora like this, knowing she had caused that kind of hurt…

“Adora,” she whimpered.

Adora could not hold onto her anger in the face of Catra’s tears. Her hands slowly released their grip on Catra’s shirt and slid up to her face. Her fingers ran through Catra’s fur, rough and then gentle, as if she could not decide whether she wanted to hurt her or caress her. Catra stood perfectly still as her tears spilled down over Adora’s fingers. Adora finally wrapped her arms around Catra’s neck and Catra fell into her embrace, clinging to her as if she would die if she let go.

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Adora sobbed into her hair.

Catra’s arms tightened around her and she placed a soft kiss right next to Adora’s ear.

“I will always come back to you.” she whispered.

They stood in the courtyard holding each other for a long time. Eventually, Glimmer fetched them and told them she had had dinner prepared for them and that they should both eat. Or rather, she commanded them both to eat. They did so gladly, neither of them having eaten much at all for several days. By the time they finished, the sun had set and Adora led them back to her room. She got Catra a fresh set of clothes and gently brushed the dirt and dried blood from her fur before the two of them settled on the bed.

For a long time they didn’t say anything. Catra leaned her head onto Adora’s shoulder but folded her hands purposefully in her own lap. She wanted to keep those destructive instruments as far from Adora as possible. Adora’s hands reached up to hold her close, one around Catra’s back and the other stroking gently behind her ears. Their breathing soon became steady and synchronized. Catra lifted her head just a bit and began planting soft kisses on Adora’s shoulder where her claws had dug in. She noted that not even a trace of a scar was left on Adora’s skin. Her lips slowly traveled upward doing the same to the spots on Adora’s neck and face. When her train of kisses had come to a stop, they found themselves sitting nose to nose glancing shyly at each other and Catra finally rested her forehead against Adora’s.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“I know.” Adora said, her voice filled with nothing but love and understanding. “I know.”

Adora knew what had happened that night. It wasn’t the first time, not for either of them, though it had been the worst. She held Catra tighter and breathed her in, steeling herself for this conversation.

“What were you dreaming about?” she asked.

Catra pulled away and looked her in her gentle grey-blue eyes but did not answer.

“Was it Prime?” She persisted. Catra looked down, folded her ears back, and slowly shook her head. “Shadow Weaver?” A short pause; Catra shook her head again. Adora raised a hand to cradle Catra’s face and Catra leaned into the touch but still did not speak. “Tell me.” Adora pleaded softly. She lifted Catra’s head so that she could clearly see her face, which contorted into an agonized expression. Fresh tears began to pool in her yellow and blue eyes.

“It was you.” She finally whispered.

Adora blinked in surprise. “Tell me.” She pushed.

Catra squeezed her eyes shut, squirming under Adora’s soft but determined gaze. “It wasn’t… _you,_ you. It was… She-Ra. We were… we were fighting. Like, _really_ fighting. Like we were really trying to hurt each other. And you… you…” Catra took a shaking breath and Adora stroked her face soothingly. “She-Ra caught my leg and threw me down and pinned me. I could feel her foot on my chest and it was heavy and it… _hurt_. And she… she raised her sword and… and the way you _looked_ at me…” Catra shuddered and pulled her hands into her chest. Adora wrapped her arms around her and began to rub her back lightly, grounding her in this moment. 

Catra took another breath and looked up at her with tear-filled eyes. “It was like… like the way you looked at me when you stepped out of that portal after I… after I pulled the switch. And it _scared_ me, Adora.” Catra’s voice cracked and she closed her eyes again, panic fueling her words as she continued. “And you raised your sword and… and I knew, I _knew_ you were going to kill me and then… and then you woke me up… and the first thing I saw was your face and I just – I couldn’t – I didn’t know, I… It was like some part of me knew it wasn’t real but I couldn’t stop myself. I – I couldn’t pull myself out of it. I just knew that I saw your face and you were going to kill me, like – like I _knew_ it, Adora. So I just – I tried to – I…” Catra’s voice wavered but Adora didn’t need to hear any more. She embraced Catra in earnest, pulling her as close as she could. Catra nestled her face into the crook of Adora’s neck and began sobbing softly. 

“I would never hurt you like that, Catra. Never.” Adora said resolutely.

Catra nodded weakly into her shoulder. “I know. And I know it wasn’t real but I couldn’t… I couldn’t pull myself out, Adora. I just… lost it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She wept.

“It’s okay. I know.” Adora said again. She didn’t know what else to say. Dreams about Prime or Shadow Weaver or fighting in the war were easier. They both had their share of those. The war was over and their enemies were gone. But this… Adora was at a loss. How could she banish Catra’s fears when she _was_ what Catra feared? Adora felt a stab of frustration at herself. She felt powerless against this and even now, even after all this time, she still didn’t quite know how to handle feeling helpless. But even more prominent was a bubble of white hot hatred beginning to boil inside of her. She wasn’t sure at who or what. At everything, she supposed, at everyone who tried to tear them apart, who made them soldiers and subjected them to a lifetime of war, at… at herself. For leaving. For putting them on opposite sides of the battlefield. For hurting Catra like she did, over and over again. _Shadow Weaver was right,_ she mused. _And wrong._ She had left out the part where Adora had always hurt Catra too, even when she didn’t mean to. Especially when she didn’t mean to.

Adora held Catra tighter and pushed those thoughts aside. No, she wasn’t going to give in to that. She wasn’t going to give up on this, not on Catra, not on herself. She stroked Catra’s head and listened as her sobs slowed into soft sniffles. She was not going to give this up. Not ever. They were going to work through this. Together.

She leaned back to look at Catra, brushing her hand gently down Catra’s face. “I’m here.” She said. “I love you.”

She couldn’t quite read Catra’s expression – a mix of sadness and relief and bittersweet adoration. “I love you, too.” She said with as much conviction as she could muster.

“Catra,” she tried again. “I… I know I have a lot to make up for. I’m so sorry for… for everything. For hurting you. For leaving you. I never wanted to. And I promise I never will again. Even if it takes the rest of my life, I’m going to make it up to you. I know sometimes I get caught up in She-Ra stuff and… and maybe I’m not always there for you when you need me. But I swear, from now until the day I die, you will always come first.“

Catra almost laughed at that. Here she was trying to be contrite, trying to play the villain once again, and Adora felt like _she_ was the one who needed to apologize. She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss at the corner of Adora’s mouth. 

Eventually, they shifted to lay down in the bed, thoroughly tangled around each other. Melog curled up next to them, purring softly, laying its head on their entwined feet. Catra’s hands glided over Adora’s tank top. “You got a new shirt.” She observed.

Adora laughed. “I have more shirts, Catra. You’ve been through my closet.”

“Yeah but… you liked that one.” Catra said, trailing her hands over the soft fabric, remembering the sensation of her claws shredding through Adora’s top.

Adora smiled softly. “Well I guess you’ll just have to find me one I’ll like even more.” she teased.

Adora expected Catra to snark back at her but instead she smiled thoughtfully and said, “Yeah. I guess I will.” She tugged at the fabric again, sliding her hand under the seam and Adora allowed her to pull it over her shoulders. Catra threw the new shirt aimlessly off the bed and pulled the blanket over them, settling her head on Adora’s bare skin, breathing her in. They wrapped their arms around each other and let the sounds of Catra’s soft purr and the gentle trickle of the waterfall lull them to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> There are plenty of good fics out there where Catra just can't deal and runs away so I thought I'd post my take on that.
> 
> This one took a lot longer because it turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. I reworked the whole thing and I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. It got a little dark but the next one is going to be nothing but sweetness and fluff and it's pretty much done so it should be out in a couple days.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you guys enjoy! As always, feel free to leave me prompts or ideas for more. I have a couple more already written, but I think I want to write one that goes more into Adora's trauma and also I want to end on a sweet, fluffy note and I need ideas for that.


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